Tuesday, September 25, 2012
In-Class Prompt #4
The hall was quiet until she heard the fatal crash. Screams erupted from all the rooms. The ground started to shake. She started to panic. All of the rooms started to empty as every one in the building ran for their lives. Alicia was just finishing up the Peterson report as she heard the crash. The loud noise came from above. Alicia thought maybe someone had dropped a large piece of equipment upstairs. As she sat there at her desk wondering what was going on, she started to realize that maybe this was something bigger. She went down the hall as quickly as she could in hopes of finding an answer. Everyone was crowding the elevators and stairwell. Alicia tried asking one of the women who worked in the room next to her what was going on. No reply. As she looked across the hallway she then realized the reality of the situation. A man jumped through the window at the end of the hall. People had tears rolling down their eyes. One man screamed "We're going to die!" Panic surged through Alicia's body. She then ran to the older stairwell that no one used anymore. She rushed down the stairs as fast as she could. Her office was on the eighth floor. She wished she had not ate those 3 donuts for breakfast as she continued downwards. On and on she went. Alicia tried to figure out what might have happened. She reached the bottom floor and made her way outside. Ambulances and firetrucks surrounded the premises.
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I really like your story, it makes ne want to know more. I thin you write very well. The detail you put in your story was great. You can almost feel what the are feeling and see the terror they are going though. And how she has a thought of how she shouldn't have eaten those doughnuts to trying to ask someone whats going on and getting no reply. She is pretty smart for being in panic to remember the old stairs. In a way it makes her stong, concidering the rest are huddled in bunches screaming that they are going to die. Very good story line almost makes me wish we had more time to write on this one.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree about wishing we had more time to write more. It's really hard to make a decent short story in such a short amount of time. I do feel as though you looked more into the character than I did. I was kind of going for that 9/11 feel when pure terror came from absolutely nothing. I did make it a bit unrealistic with the fact that she hardly panicked during the whole process. But what else do you expect when you only have 10 minutes to try and develop a story? :)
ReplyDeleteHey Zach! I really like your story! I agree as well, it is very hard to create a good story in ten minutes! i'm usually only half way done when she tells us to wrap it up and I end up having to finish later. haha! I knew exactly where you were going with your story. As soon as you said the ground started to shake I knew. It actually gave me chills while reading it. I could picture everything in my mind, because we all have seen the pictures and heard the stories of the poor people involved with the 9/11 tragedy. I really cannot imagine what those people had to go through. It is hard to believe that someone could do such a terrible thing to so many innocent men and women. Sometimes I am glad that I was still too young to really understand what was going on, because it was so scary and I probably would've been an emotional wreck! I was in the second grade and didn't understand why everybody was crying or what the big deal was that two towers went down! Now that I am older, it makes me mad every time something like this happens. It was a great day for America when Bin Laden was killed, but I do think that we cannot be too comfortable, because there are a lot of countries out there who would love to have a piece of us. Oh well, I really liked your story!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Taylor! Like I said before, it was almost impossible to make the story the way I wanted it to be in ten minutes. I probably could have went back and finished it up but that's just extra work I didn't have to do haha. I was in third grade when the towers went down and I still remember it like yesterday. I kind of wish I were older so I had a better idea what was going on. At the time, all I knew was that it must have been a really bad thing because it was all that was talked about that day. I remember watching the 5 year anniversary remembrance special and I didn't realize until then how big of a piece of history that actually was and how much it affected our country. Even though it was a horrific day, I'm kind of glad I was there when it happened. I always ask my grandparents and my parents about different events they witnessed and if they remember them. I feel like 9/11 was one of those things my kids and my grandchildren will ask me about. It was definitely an important day in our history and one I will never forget.
ReplyDeleteGreat little story. It would be cool to see it develop!
ReplyDelete